Beastly hypotheses

In a rare instrumentless moment

In a rare instrumentless moment

One person who is not scheduled to perform at the upcoming Sasquatch! Music Festival is Andrew Bird. To me, that is unfortunate and sad because I will be out of town on his tour date in Portland. But I would like to think that he is missing out on playing at Sasquatch! for a few good reasons. Some of my hunches:

– He is learning to play another instrument, perhaps the harmonium or the bassoon. Music these days could truly benefit from the madcap cartoony energy imparted by the bassoon. Andrew Bird may be the only semi-mainstream pop musician aware of this.

– He will be holed up at his farm, racking his brain to come up with numerous successful rhymes for the word “orange.” Once he does, his greatest masterpiece about the failings of language in spite of power (vernaculorange over commodorange, as it were) will unseat sliced bread as the greatest recent achievement in the Western world.

– He is in the process of renaming all the terms related to eukaryotic cells after birds. Organelle is now kestrel. Flagellae is now frogmouth. Mitosis is now ballooning. All changes will go into effect as of Bird’s next album. Since Bird has released a solo album or single nearly every year since 2002, there should be much more talk of kestrels in the field of biology soon.

– He plans to deliver the keynote address at the International Whistling Convention.

For those who can’t stand to be without the live exhibition of Andrew Bird’s many skills, here’s a video of his performance of “Fitz and Dizzyspells” in New York City about four months prior to the release of Noble Beast.

Andrew Bird will play at the Roseland on Saturday, February 21. Lonely Dear will also play.

  • Andrew Bird ~ Noble Beast ~ Fat Possum

Fitz and Dizzyspells

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